zimena: A cup with a hot drink inside. A heart drawn into the liquid, and the text "Coffee, love?" diagonally across the pic. (Misc - Coffee)
[personal profile] zimena
So, the TV/net provider change is not going to happen. The new (or actually new-old) company tried to cheat me before I had even properly agreed the switch. First, they told me that switching would take 4-7 days, then I got a mail saying it could take up to 4 weeks.

Yeah, right...

Also, when I called them to inform them about the decision not to switch, they gave me an absolute slimeball of a guy on the phone. Seriously, he was so nice that the grease was practically dripping from his voice. On the surface, he was totally fine with the cancellation, but in fact I could feel how he was looking for some way to force me to switch. Well, in the end he was trying to tell me that it was him being nice to let me cancel the order (which had not even gone through completely by the time I called, so it's not like there was anything to cancel, really).

And I was like: "Well, it's my legal right to rethink the decision, so it's not about being nice."

... and suddenly he got really meek and admitted that yes, I was right, and everything is now cancelled and fine.

I know my consumer rights. So, there!

(no subject)

Sep. 21st, 2017 08:37 am
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
We only ended up with one guest last night. Cordelia stayed in her room, and Scott, [livejournal.com profile] cherydactyl, and I watched Wonder Woman which they'd both seen but I hadn't. I enjoyed it overall, but I failed to connect with it emotionally. This is a common problem for me with action focused movies, especially superhero movies. I get distracted and just don't see what other people see.

Scott is showering right now. When he's done and dressed, we'll head for Cordelia's school to meet with a counselor. Hopefully, that will go well and not take too long. I just hope they've fixed the elevator. I don't want to climb to the fourth floor.

I slept badly last night because of anxiety. I was sufficiently wound up that the amount of Halcion that would normally let me fall asleep and stay asleep simply didn't. I didn't feel even vaguely sleepy. It was that I wasn't tired as much as it was that I had enough in the way of adrenaline and such going on to be quite awake. I'm not sure that Ativan would have done better for me, but maybe it would have.

Cordelia's dental appointment went okay. The dentist left us sitting for longish stretches off and on because they'd fit us in when they were already full up. She did an x-ray and didn't see hidden decay. She said that Cordelia's wisdom teeth aren't pushing on anything or positioned in a way that she'd expect to cause pain. The joint of the jaw seems to be fine. So we don't know the underlying cause of the problem. She suggested a cheap night time mouth guard in order to see if a guard would help at all (and in order to avoid paying $500 for something that, at her age, might not fit next year).

From the dentist, we went and got bubble tea for me and Cordelia. They've changed their menu display and options, so I had to spend a little while figuring out if they still had what I wanted.

After that, we went to Target and got Wonder Woman and the mouth guard. We stopped at Plum Market to pick up dinner at their buffet (you pay by weight). I gambled on a couple of things that looked (and were) tasty but that I probably shouldn't have touched because of spice levels.

My Captive Audience recipient has gotten back to me. I was right in suspecting that things had gotten lost.

(no subject)

Sep. 19th, 2017 10:03 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
Cordelia's having some pain at the hinge of her jaw, so Scott and I will be taking her to the dentist tomorrow afternoon. She also says her teeth are cold sensitive. I suspect that she's clenching and/or grinding at night since that's generally what gives me that sort of trouble.

I like Scott being awake and energetic in the evenings, so that's a positive for working third shift. The negative is that I have to be super quiet all day so as not to risk waking him. I'm even hesitating to make tea because of the noise of the whistle.

My left elbow is hurting a lot. Even when I'm not using the arm or hand, it sometimes hurts enough to make me mutter. The doctor recommended cold packs, but those hurt worse while I'm applying them and don't make things better after, so I'm wondering if I should try heat. That will be a bit harder because Scott moved my rice pack, and I'll have to find it. The elbow is bad enough to wake me if I move wrong, but I discovered this morning that, if I lie on my right side with a pillow between my arm and my body, the damned thing doesn't hurt. It's not ideal because I'm still feeling too warm most of the time and because the rest of my body doesn't like staying in that position, but it's better than nothing.

I have pulled out my sling. It can be useful in reminding me not to try to pick things up with that hand, but it also seems to make things worse in the long term. There's something about the angle and about how close in to my body the sling is that just doesn't work right. Possibly, I need a sling that holds the arm about three inches out from my torso.

I think that I have a solution to the problem of my c-PAP headgear sliding off-- I loosened the straps just a tiny bit, and now the dratted thing stays in place better. It's counterintuitive, but I've had it that way for two or three nights now, and it is better.

Sleep is still not great. Halcion has an effect, but it's not what my doctor said it would do. The stuff is supposed to be very short acting and hit me like a ton of bricks. It doesn't make me more immediately sleepy, but I am tending to stay asleep longer before I wake up to pee. The downside of that is that I'm getting up for that too close to when I have to get up for the day to be able to sleep again. When that's ten minutes, it's not such a big deal. When it's more than an hour... That's enough to matter.

Inattention

Sep. 19th, 2017 02:46 pm
[personal profile] to_do_list
Found this Aeon article fascinating:
https://aeon.co/essays/busy-and-distracted-everybody-has-been-since-at-least-1710

Here is a particularly interesting quote, illustrating when a more complex understanding than moral failing may have become to emerge (1798!):
"The first text dealing with the disease of inattention in the English language was Alexander Crichton’s An Inquiry into the Nature and Origin of Mental Derangement (1798). Crichton saw the disorder of inattention as ‘belonging to the domain of medicine’ but one that was influenced by social and cultural factors. He claimed that attention could be adversely affected by poor education, lack of motivation and family influences. Both habitual inattention as well as the extreme overuse of attention could weaken the capacity to concentrate to the point that it became a medical illness. Crichton asserted that those who suffered attention deficit were agitated by an ‘unnatural degree of mental restlessness’. He wrote that those who suffer this debilitating condition have a ‘particular name for the state of their… feelings’; they ‘say they have the fidgets’..."


[content notes: ADHD, medication]
On that note, it's only been a week, yet 10 mg of Vyvanse seems to work well for me. It's not as powerful, energetic, or long-lasting as 20 mg that I started with, but it lets me sleep! On 20 mg, I slept 1 night out of 3. Now, I can go to bed and actually fall asleep. A worthy trade-off.

And it still cuts through the decision fatigue. I think decision fatigue is huge for me, and normally, arrives very early into any work I am doing. With Vyvanse, however, even on 10 mg I suddenly get 4-5 hours of being able to make those multiple little decisions of prioritization and follow through. Of course, anxiety remains a thing: For example, a couple of days ago I spent my day organizing closets and basement, rather than working on my practice procedures. But! But! I also wanted to organize those closets for about 6 months!

At this rate, I will eventually catch up with my own goals and plans (something I was beginning to seriously doubt). I've always had ambition, as in this deep and powerful desire to do something meaningful and socially worthwhile. But I also spent a long time on and off feeling terrified I was not able to get anywhere beyond basic functioning. This fear hit me especially hard after graduating, and discovering that despite having time, motivation, and relatively few objective stressors, I was still buried in my own inability to get things done. And buried, as in, for months, not days. Now I see hope again.

Big day today

Sep. 19th, 2017 04:06 pm
zimena: (Misc - Meow!)
[personal profile] zimena
Today has been a very exciting day!

First, I had an appointment at the car workshop in the morning. They needed me to be there while they made some adjustments, so I've seen the new car again, too. This time with the lift and special floor installed, so this time I was even allowed to sit in it. Let's just say it's still an absolute dream. I just wish that my driving skills matched the feeling of being in the car... actually driving still scares me, though. But okay, old news and all that, and this is supposed to be an excitement post, so...

... they also said that the car might be ready in 3-4 weeks' time, depending on when the traffic authorities decide to approve the adjustments. Yes, there is apparently a separate procedure of approval for this.

On a different note, we also did something nice after finishing the car stuff: We bought a new TV. We've had a lot of issues with our old one, so this is something we've been discussing and thinking of doing for a long time already. At the same time, we're also going to change our TV and net provider (back to the company we used to be with before), so I'm excited about that... and a little nervous, because it will mean a bit of stress with having people over, and probably also a bit of stress before everything is set up to work the way it should.

Should work better than our current setup, anyway. Slow net and flawed TV picture (with a lot of short sound/picture failures if you try to watch anything) has been the order of the day for way too long, now.

Finally... this also means one more thing: We will not have a landline phone anymore after this switch.

I'll be honest and admit that it has been hard for me to accept that this is a sensible decision. Of course it's true that I hardly ever use the landline phone, and I haven't been using it for a good few years. The only people who call on it are telemarketers and - until recently - mom's friend who kept living with the misconception that calling someone on their mobile phone is ridiculously expensive, so better use the landline if you can. Even that friend has now cancelled her landline phone subscription, though...

... so why has it been hard for me to get rid of it? Simply because the landline phone number we have has been the same for practically all of my life. That phone number is us, in some way. It's ours, and getting rid of it feels a bit like getting rid of some part of myself; some part of my own history. Does that even make sense?

Now I just need to hear from the TV/net installation folks, so that I know when they're coming by to set things up.

Soon, preferably. Because this should be exciting!

(no subject)

Sep. 19th, 2017 02:32 pm
tehexile: (Default)
[personal profile] tehexile
 I am enjoying YS 8 so much at the moment! They really did well with the music in particular and atmosphere in general, which is the most important thing with a Falcom game. I hate the party system in modern Ys games but it didn't feel too jarring. Already it sort of feels like ti fits in with the older games.

I am going to be streaming it as I play on my channel at twitch.tv/doan2300.

They All Went Through

Sep. 19th, 2017 06:35 am
calliopes_pen: (lost_spook Mina covets the ring)
[personal profile] calliopes_pen
The rest of the nominations have been approved for Yuletide.

✔ Count Dracula (1977)
Characters
✔ Renfield (Count Dracula 1977)
✔ Jonathan Harker (Count Dracula 1977)
✔ Dracula (Count Dracula 1977)
✔ Mina Westenra Harker (Count Dracula 1977)

✔ Dracula (TV 1968)
Characters
✔ Jonathan Harker (Dracula TV 1968)
✔ Mina Harker (Dracula TV 1968)
✔ John Seward (Dracula TV 1968)
✔ Lucy Weston (Dracula TV 1968)

Remix Revival

Sep. 18th, 2017 09:57 pm
scripsi: (Default)
[personal profile] scripsi
I got a wonderful gift-fic on Remix Revival. It’s a remix on my story Arabella’s Visit, but darker, and with so much more depth. I don’t hesitate to say it’s a much better fic than mine ever was! Mine is told from Arabella’s POV, this one from Childermass, so I also think they work quite well together. Both fics are very much a case of magic made them do it, which makes them dub con.

Title: Mr Childermass Calls [a remix]
Fandom: Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: 3044
Characters/pairing: John Childermass/Arabella Strange
Warnings: Dubious Consent, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Summary: John Childermass, on business in Venice, calls on the Greysteel household, but only Arabella is at home.

Fic announcement

Sep. 18th, 2017 03:26 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
I still haven't gotten any feedback from my recipient for Captive Audience, no indication at all that they even saw the story. Even if they somehow didn't get a gift notice because of the whole revealed on posting and then hidden again thing, there were only 21 stories in the archive, so it wouldn't have been hard to find.

Possibly one of the guest kudos was theirs or maybe they left one under a different account. I'm pretty certain that the account I wrote for was a sock, so both of those are actually reasonably possible. I'd rather think that than that I accidentally hit all of their DNWs (no letter or details in the request).

The story really needed to be about twice as long as it ended up being, but August had bumps that ate all of my writing time, and part of me thinks that I really should have managed the character development/change I wanted in the 10823 words I wrote.

Title: For These Cramped Fragments
Fandom: Original fic
Rating: E
Pairing: Female Admiral/Captured Enemy Prince
Tags Rape/Non-Con, Science Fiction, Captivity, Politics, Stockholm Syndrome, War

Blurb: The very orderliness of the Scarlet’s surrender had been her first clue that her captain might not be as dead as his second claimed.

His father would have expected him to die rather than risk capture. Perhaps the new king had changed the standing orders since the old man's death. Perhaps not.

Apparently Captain Prince Vikenti wanted to live.

Notes: The Captive Audience exchange was for stories involving either Stockholm or Lima syndrome that showed the changing feelings of the captor and/or captive. There's more world building and character stuff than there is explicit sex, but the sex is in there, too.

Fic at AO3.

(no subject)

Sep. 18th, 2017 01:10 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
I've been steadily chipping away at my to-do list since Scott went to bed this morning. I think today's my best bet for dealing with phone calls and forms. Scott said that, since he'll be home during business hours this week, I could pass him a list of calls, too.

I've got about two hours before Cordelia gets home, and I'm trying to figure out my priorities. I have to find another black pen so that I can finish filling out the Aetna claim forms (I knocked my last one under the loveseat and am not quite desperate enough to try to move that to retrieve it). I have a non-urgent email and a non-urgent phone call. There is an urgent-ish call on Scott's list, and I maybe ought to make that one as it needs doing while Cordelia's not home.

Of course, what I really want to do is nap. I may just give up and do that.

I did a little bit of writing last night and realized why I haven't gotten much done recently. Cordelia's been glued to my side for considerable periods and turning up for that more or less at random during the time she's home. She reads whatever's showing on my laptop and rather disapproves of me writing fanfic because I'm old. She especially disapproves of me writing anything even vaguely sexual.

Scott and I drove into town this morning to return a book to Community. Cordelia claims she told me to take it back on Friday when I went in to withdraw her, but I don't remember that at all. At any rate, it took about ten minutes this morning, so it wasn't a big deal.

I need to talk to folks at Skyline about letting Cordelia sign herself in and out with me either calling or writing a note to authorize it. If she can do that, it would make appointments during school hours infinitely more possible from my side of things.

I discovered today that, while I can shut down the ringing of our landline phones, I can't shut down the ringing from the base unit/charger. I'm not sure what the point is of being able to mute ringing on the mobile bit if the base is just going to howl. The problem is that we have a phone in our bedroom, so Scott was awakened by a junk call around 10:00 this morning. We only have a landline at this point because it was cheaper to get cable and phone with the internet than to get the internet connection on its own. The 'landline' isn't exactly a landline, either, and stops working when we lose power, so it doesn't even give us that.

One Fandom So Far, Two To Go

Sep. 18th, 2017 10:11 am
calliopes_pen: (lost_spook Lucy's throat Dracula's ring)
[personal profile] calliopes_pen
My nomination list for Yuletide has partially been reviewed. So as of right now, I can confirm this one. I'll let people know when the others make it through.

✔ Dracula - Bram Stoker
Characters
✔ Golden Krone Innkeeper's Wife (Dracula - Bram Stoker)
✔ Jonathan Harker (Dracula - Bram Stoker)
✔ John Seward (Dracula - Bram Stoker)
✔ Dracula (Dracula - Bram Stoker)

(no subject)

Sep. 17th, 2017 06:59 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
Cordelia's caught up in all of her classes except social studies. That's proving difficult because the teacher didn't give her the handouts that everyone else got, just the accompanying worksheets. The questions are on the handouts rather than on the worksheets; the latter just have spaces for answering the questions.

She texted the one person she knows in the class to ask her to send a copy, but that other student hasn't responded.

The topic is Judaism, specifically (I think) things found in a typical synagogue. I know that some of you could and would help her with it, but she's not willing to ask for help from anyone but me and Scott (who is currently sleeping in order to be able to work 3rd shift starting tomorrow night). Apparently the prospect is too overwhelming.

Google will help for things like what a shofar is, but it's not going to be much help in figuring out what the teacher wants with regard to the intersection of 'windows' with a synagogue. It also won't help with the drawing she's supposed to make of the interior of a synagogue (starting with a dozen or so lines printed on the sheet to show where to begin).

I have an email address for the teacher, but it's a crap shoot whether or not he'd even reply. I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't reply any time today. She needs to turn in the worksheets tomorrow.

I ended up in bed most of yesterday with IBS related pain. It was very frustrating but at least was during a day when I didn't have to get anything done. I mostly worked on reading library books, specifically the dozen graphic novels I had stacked up. That leaves eleven novels that I haven't opened, two books of poetry, and a book of non-fiction. I've got two graphic novels left to finish. After that, I have a book of poetry and three novels with me in the living room. The others are in the bedroom and inaccessible until Scott gets up.

The downtown library is closed until some time tomorrow due to a sewage back up. I'm not entirely sure it will open then because they've been promising just one more day since this started. At any rate, it means we need to go to a different branch to return our books and such and will have to go downtown mid-week to get our holds.

I Can Haz Internet?

Sep. 16th, 2017 08:53 pm
dhw: (Default)
[personal profile] dhw
Yes, it turns out. Yes I can.

Finally, after over a month of arguing with our former provider (and waiting for our new provider to send out an engineer), we have internet! Huzzah!

It's been a long and boring month and a half - no TV, no Netflix or Prime, no reddit to while away the hours, and certainly no AO3.

Well, perhaps boring is a little unfair. I have spent that time working my way through all the unread books languishing on my new shelves (Ikea's finest - well, second crappest - the move was an entirely too expensive affair). Some were excellent, some meh, and one really rather dire. But you live and learn. Or read and learn, as the case may be.

Currently, I'm reading my way through the the Doctor Who New Adventures series. Or the ones I can get my grubby little mitts on, at any rate - which turns out to be Love and War, No Future, Set Piece, Human Nature, and Damaged Goods. Just finished Love and War (which was fantastic. Ugly, but fantastic), and No Future (angst and double crossing central!).

The Seventh Doctor is rapidly becoming my favourite (a position previously held by the Fourth), manipulative git that he is. I'm also finding the more I read stories featuring Bernice, the more I'm warming to her as a character. Though I highly doubt she will replace Ace as my favourite companion for Seven, I'm certainly enjoying her adventures through time and space.

As of this evening, I'm about half way through Human Nature, which I am enjoying immensely. Having seen the New Who adaptation with Ten (Human Nature/Family of Blood) and thoroughly enjoyed it at the time, I was a little dubious at first. But oh my, it works so much better as a Seventh Doctor story. I'm really enjoying the way it picks apart what the Doctor is and what he very much isn't (but what else was it going to do, being written by Paul Cornell? Picking apart characters and pushing them to their extremes seems to be his raison d'etre). And John Smith in a Seventh Doctor mould is so unbearably sweet I almost can't stand it. Almost.

Am very much looking forward to seeing how it ends. Though I suspect it's going to break my heart, just like Love and War.

We shall see.

(no subject)

Sep. 16th, 2017 01:19 pm
the_rck: (Default)
[personal profile] the_rck
Getting to Skyline yesterday was stressful, and getting home was worse. The bus company website doesn't actually provide accurate information about the bus line that runs out there-- The schedule I could access on my phone claimed two buses around when school starts and three around when it ends with nothing in between. I knew it was a lie, but I couldn't get the site to cough up anything else. The first bus to come by as I waited was going to go out of service at the next stop, so I had to wait another half an hour for a bus to come.

What I really wanted to do was to find somewhere to get coffee and food and to sit for a while before I dealt with the bus, but there is absolutely nothing out by Skyline. Zilch. To walk anywhere useful, I'd have to cross three traffic circles, two of them connected to highway entrances/exits, and none of them having any design considerations for possible pedestrians. By the time I was actually on the bus, the idea of getting off again was horrific. I didn't do it until I had to transfer downtown.

It wasn't quite 10:30 when I got downtown, and I didn't feel like I could walk to try to find somewhere to sit and try to calm myself, so I just walked down the block to where the bus I needed would come.

I left both my water bottle and Cordelia's somewhere along the way. I only realized that I didn't have them when I was gathering my things to get off the bus at the stop by our house. They might be at the Skyline bus stop. They might be on the bus I took into town. They might be at the transit center. I couldn't deal with calling to try to find them, so they're gone. Scott bought me a replacement that I need to wash before I start using.

I can't tell how much of how bad going back and forth to Skyline was yesterday was due to it coming at the end of a horrible, horrible week and how much was the trip being intrinsically difficult for me. It's probably a bit of both.

I got pretty angry at Scott yesterday (and a few times earlier in the week) because he wasn't bothering to give me any encouraging words or anything. He gave Cordelia a lot, and he was having an awful week, too, but it would have been nice to get a comment indicating that he had my back on anything at all. I don't think he realizes how much he left me flapping in the wind all week. If I asked for something very specific, he'd do it, but there wasn't anything at all that I didn't ask for. Not even a "I know this is hard for you, but you can do it."

I think Scott also doesn't realize that Cordelia going to Community gave me a brief feeling of intense relief that I wouldn't have to deal with a huge, huge problem that I've seen coming for literally years-- The problem of me getting her from school for appointments and then back to school after. Nothing about the trips I've made to Skyline has made the problem seem less severe or more easily addressed. I really am thinking that Scott going to third shift may be the only sustainable solution, but if he does that, him ever getting back to first shift is unlikely.

I suppose the first thing I have to do is to find out whether or not I can get Skyline to let Cordelia sign herself out for documented appointments and then back in again after. That would make things actually manageable and could be argued as an accommodation for my disability every bit as much as letting me use the elevator when I visit the building.

I'm really, really hoping that next week I can start doing something other than putting out immediate fires. I don't think writing is going to happen while Cordelia's home because she tends to turn up and sit next to me for twenty to thirty minutes at a time and express disapproval over me using my laptop at all. She also reads what's on my screen.

Today's main goal is to read some library books so I can return them tomorrow. I've got more than I like just sitting on my shelf unopened. Also, the interlibrary loan stuff needs getting through quickly. The system won't let me request multiple volumes of the same manga title at once because it considers them all the same book in spite of the numbering difference. This means that from October 1st until maybe April next year, I won't be able to move forward on Natsume's Book of Friends, Case Closed (Detective Conan), or Prince of Tennis. That last is particularly frustrating because the library is missing 29-32 and 36. It has 33-35 and 37-40 (are there volumes out beyond 40? I don't know. I haven't looked yet). I have v.29 waiting for me to pick it up. If I read it fast and return it immediately, I might be able to get v.30 by the end of the month. I just don't see managing four volumes in that time because of the time it takes to get ILL books.

I also have a movie that's due tomorrow and can't be renewed. I can probably either finish it today or reach a point in it where I'm sure I don't care about finishing.

Cordelia has a birthday party to go to later this afternoon. They're going to a Tigers game as part of it. They did the same last year for this girl's birthday. My guess is that they'll have fun again and that it will be rather more about being there as a group of friends than about the game.
calliopes_pen: (sallymn Xena life before coffee)
[personal profile] calliopes_pen
I found out what my computer model is. Until now, all I knew (since what was once written was lost to the mists of time, as the sticker wore off at some point) was it was just HP Compaq, since we hadn’t found the old paperwork for it as of yet. So I’m posting this mainly for my own sake, should I lose track of where I made a note of that.

HP Compaq dx2450 Microtower. I went to the support page for HP, and found the method for determining the type a particular model is.

So how did I find out? First, hit the plus sign around the Option 2 section. Their way didn’t work for me, and we never had HP Support Assistant in this computer, for whatever reason even back when it was still XP and would have had those original files. However, figure 1 mentions System Information. Typed in that, and the window that came up had everything, including a section for System Model. And there we have it.

Judging by this press release, it came out around April of 2008, if not earlier. Granted, my model was 32 bit, not the 64 bit they’re announcing. If that’s accurate, that means that the date I previously estimated is off by a few years. Should it make it another few months to 2018 prior to it being replaced, this one’s still going to have made it at least a decade. And should it still survive, we'll have it around as a spare, should its replacement have issues, or should Dad's laptop have problems down the line.

Tulips

Sep. 15th, 2017 01:51 pm
zimena: (Nature - Tulips)
[personal profile] zimena
I planted tulips and crocuses today, so let's see if they come up in a few months' time.

We used to always have tulips in our garden when I was little. Nowadays we don't have a garden anymore, and I don't know much about plants and flowers anyway, so it's not like I miss it. We have a couple of flower boxes and big flower pots, though, and that's nice. For example, earlier in the summer random people who just passed by our house would sometimes stop to admire the content of the flower boxes. The pots I've planted in today are in a less visible place, but I can see them from my window when I'm sitting by the computer - so if any of the stuff I planted decides to come up, I will have nice things to look at come springtime.

Duh, I sound like such an adult, suddenly. I'm not; I promise. ;)

why I hate Twitter - RANT ALERT

Sep. 15th, 2017 11:40 am
tehexile: (Default)
[personal profile] tehexile
well, according to Twitter I'm the devil. apparently if you defend someone against one relatively minor accusation, because you don't think they were in control of themselves when they did it and you're worried the witch hunt will move onto you next, it means you personally have done every bad thing that person has ever done. I know you're supposed to nip things on the bud because otherwise when they come for you there'll be nobody left to support you (I don't remember the exact quote) but when nobody bloody supports me if I say anything anyway, I think I'll just batten down the hatches and hoard canned food and polish my shotgun for the day when I'll inevitably be alone when They come for me anyway.

(may be slightly triggered because this reminds me of a worse incident in my life and I wanted to prevent it from happening again)

from now on, Twitter gets used for spamming streams, squeeing at kittens, retweeting disaster relief campaigns that don't piss me off with shock images and finding out about deals on games slightly earlier.

Sigh

Sep. 14th, 2017 05:39 pm
zimena: A cup with a hot drink inside. A heart drawn into the liquid, and the text "Coffee, love?" diagonally across the pic. (Misc - Coffee)
[personal profile] zimena
My life is a mess at the moment. Or maybe it's me (and my mind) who's a mess, take your pick.

I'm in that mood where everything - even otherwise enjoyable things - feels like a chore. I don't want to do anything, yet I'm also annoyed when I don't get anything done. I don't want to talk to people, yet I feel bad for not talking enough/not giving others enough attention. Generally speaking, I feel bad at this Being A Human Being thing.

It's a miracle that I even manage to make coffee for myself. Even that feels like a big chore, and it's - what? - a task that takes a few minutes, maximum.

It'll pass. I know that, because it always does.

I'm just not very happy with myself and my way of dealing with reality at the moment.
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